Pressing On

My brain is literally still vibrating and my right eye has retained that little twitch that developed yesterday. In all seriousness, yesterday was the WORST DAY EVER. Period. Screaming, crying, spitting, hitting, "NO!", "I don't love you anymore!", and complaining (in that higher pitch whiney sound). I was invisible to all around me except when all the above was happening- I was then the target for that mess. When I spoke, no one heard. When I yelled, they still didn't hear. When I put myself in my room for a 3 minute time-out, it went completely unnoticed. (which was fine at the time)

Most days as a stay at home mom are tolerable. My good to great moments overshadow the not so good moments and there is a little balance... but yesterday... I can honestly say nothing good happened. I thought at one point I would pack a small bag and seek refuge somewhere kid-less. And to top the mother of all bad days, my husband didn't get home until we were on the last leg of the race. Not his fault, but I was smokin' hot mad when he walked through that front door all chipper and patient beyond words. I really wanted to say... no, YELL some super unkind things, but I mostly kept it all to myself (except when I had to murmur under my breath).

Finally, when it was all quiet and everyone was in bed (around 7:30pm), I did the math in my, at that point, hard to process things brain. 13 hours of this. 13 hours of being tortured within an inch of my life. 13 hours of a sweating brow and racing heart beat. 13 hours of unappreciated sacrifice and labor. I was exhausted. So I slept. Until exactly 7:58 when I was woken by screams from Hunter's room. He needed his airplane, apparently. Kid was still asleep, but still whining. I mustered up the last bit of humanity I could find and hugged and kissed him and told him to get some sleep.

From there I made my way downstairs and watched a movie. Not just any movie- I watched The Last Song. OMG! Maybe I'm just overly emotional at this point, but I think I cried through about a third of the movie. I could have gone without that, but I think I just probably needed a good cry- I was due, I guess.

So, a few prayers later and the sure knowledge that I was heard, I know now that I can do it! I will make it through today and tomorrow and the next day and I will do my best to raise my boys in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I've felt invisible for a long time- just another presense in my home to keep the kids from a sure concussion. But I was heard last night. I am an invaluable asset to this family. I can do it! The Lord will not fail me- He will always hear me. I hope that the 2 people that follow or read this will see this as well. Vacations are always nice, but a simple prayer can work wonders for the soul.